I am having a difficult time of it lately…

Probably the worst mood state to experience is the mixed state and that is what I am suffering from at the minute.

You don’t know whether you are coming or going to put it mildly.

Increased energy, racing thoughts, sleeplessness and irritability combined with the feeling of helplessness, lack of motivation, paranoia and general depressive thoughts… it’s tough… it’s like what the f***?!?!?

Last time I posted, I honestly thought I was going high and into mania and for the first two weeks I was showing all the signs of mania… and mania only…

The real stand out was the lack of sleep and extreme irritability…

Alas, it didn’t last…  and I say alas because I would rather deal with a fixed state than a mixed… anyway…

The negativity, the paranoia, the extreme effort to do anything started to kick in and I was honestly lost…

Think about it… how do you deal with tenfold increased energy and yet a total lack of motivation and inspiration… and that is only one example of the conflicting emotions…

You’re climbing the walls and seeking your bed at the same time… fun, fun, fun…

It massively started to effect work and I had to retreat from the world, fortunately my holiday year had reset and I took off the latter half of the week to try and get back in control…

I had some success but ultimately I am still at this states mercy… it’s easier to deal with when you’re home alone but once that ends and you HAVE to re-enter the world then you start on that slippery slope to difficulty…

I just hope it ends soon… I am about four/five weeks in now and starting to get REAL tired of it…

Just ARGH…