Last night was truly awful… and so far today… too…

Even once the medication started to kick in last night, I hardly slept.

I couldn’t shut down, my thoughts were racing and I proceeded to tear myself apart…

I didn’t do anything of consequence, I took the meds when I got in and just laid on the sofa wrapped up in my own thinkymeat… no tele or laptop, couldn’t focus enough, I just stared at the roof… didn’t even have background noise on…

Running through every scenario and going over everything that was said to me… and has been said to me…

One thought would enter my head and before it was finished another one would come and push it out of the way and take over…

Just a constant battering ram…

Today, I’m just empty, flat and dejected… that hollow feeling is there and that sick with worry feeling too… I’ve not done anything wrong of late and yet I feel like at any moment shit is going to hit the fan and it’s all going to be my fault…

So yeah… safe to say that today, I’m a bit of a down and out…

I’ve got to try and make it through the day at work, with not sleeping I just came into work early, nice two hours early. Handy that I needed to make some hours up so there was a silver lining… I think I’m grasping there for any positive… it’s hard to focus but I’ve just got to get my head down and get on with it…

And try and put my thinkymeat back together again…