How am I?

Well… I am putting on a bit of a charade at the moment as best as I can, pretending all is okay…

I am just trying to keep my head down and get on with life… it’s all that I can really do…

Inside I am still a touch broken (understatement)… constantly filled with sadness and remorse. I keep having to wrack my brain because I constantly have the sick with worry feeling, like I’ve done something wrong but I cannot remember what… and it feels like I am just waiting for it all to come crashing down around me.

It’s a pretty horrendous feeling…

Still the same usual issues… I miss my friend so much it hurts… it’s such a massive loss from my life…

At least I am not in the trenches at the moment so there is that let up, the medication must be doing me some good… I don’t want to imagine what it would be like without the meds…

It just leaves me a tad sedated for most of the day. There is none of the epic morning grogg of the one-hit-punch of the previous Quetiapine but the feeling is still there with me, only more managable now.  I am no longer exposed on the afternoons as much as I was on the previous tablets, whilst I can still chew on a problem come the afternoon, I can soon turn my mind away from it where as before this was impossible to do.

Don’t get me wrong, it still lingers in the background, ready to pounce if it can but the way it is at the minute, it’s an improvement compared to before. I just find that when I have a moment downtime, when I have a second spare with nothing to do, that is when it becomes really difficult…

I’ll take what I can get I guess…