Figured I would write a quick update – I haven’t felt the need to write lately so in a way that is a good sign…

How has everything gone lately? It could be worse, it could be better…

One thing for sure though… Fridays absolutely kick my ass… it get’s to the end of the week and I am exhausted and running on empty… this lowers my defenses and leaves me with an element of exposure to my moods… I just need to keep reminding myself that this is down to the tiredness and not down to an “issue” at the moment otherwise that issue will take control and I’ll start chewing…

Where is my mood at? A modest hyper…

This week there has been moments with the irrational world ending anger, there has been a couple of occasions where I have needed to regain some semblance of control before I lash out and do something I regret… there has been moments of giddy excitement… moments of deep regret and one long moment of ridiculous elevated levels of libido… yes this is a side effect of the Mania too… it get’s distracting when you are not in a relationship… joy… sure you wanted to know that…

At least I am putting the increased energy to good use, out of the last 14 days, I’ve been to the gym 10 times, I can see an effect already so this has helped me get the gym “bug” back… I’m hooked again…

The lost friendship is still my first and last thought of each and every day… I just wish I could wave a magic wand and rectify the loss… it’s the one situation that continues to plague me… the one situation that leaves me with deep regrets… and the one situation I just wish I could fix…

This is my biggest issue at the minute…

I’ve also had moments where I was convinced work was trying to force me out…that and in moments of irrationality I start to debate who would really miss me if I disappeared, if I was gone… what does this life matter anyway… it leads to somewhere disturbing that I would rather not visit again…

And that is why it’s hard work… 24/7 awareness needed…

You can be party-boy-happy but still end up with the life threatening irrationality…