As I’ve said before, a lot of situations at the minute are learning experiences, especially when I am taking note of my mood influences so closely…

Last week was hell, I was helpless against certain situations… I really was in the trenches so I had to have a quiet weekend and bunker down which helped a load.

Monday, whilst a positive-thinking thought, I was hoping that I was starting to come out of the other side of the Crash… I didn’t sleep well Sunday night, I took my medication late and it really impacted my sleep so I woke up really groggy Monday but I got through the morning fine with no real issues…

Aside – it’s been a while since we’ve had tears, situations have still felt really difficult but I was able to hold off the emotion which was a sign of things improving…

But as the afternoon started, ugh, sickness… pass the parcel with a sickness bug, my turn… and it took everything to not be sick at work, fire in my throat… ugh… I got home and had a nice night of fountain action, yes delightful I know… I spent the night not keeping anything down, wretching away and sleep was impossible…

Tuesday was spent much of the same, I had to call in sick from work and proceeded to have a hell of a day, couldn’t even keep water down, couldn’t sleep… I was KO’ed…

Now for the analysis… this kicked my ass, run me down, left me exhausted…

It left my defences open…

Tuesday night was difficult, whilst no fountain action for a couple of hours, I had consumed nothing but water which was the only sustenance staying down, I found it hard to sleep with irrational fear and thoughts during the day and Wednesday…

Well Wednesday, today, has felt like a day in the trenches… the only thing that has happened to set me up for this ride down is the sickness, the run down, tiredness…

I’m surprised by how much it has opened me up and exposed me to thoughts of recent anguish… the thoughts of last week that had started to vanish over the weekend are back…

It’s crazy how much getting run down has influenced my mood… though I should know this by now… it was a nice reminder… yeah…

I was petrified of calling in sick Tuesday, irrational fear… it chewed me up all day… other situations of stress of late came back to the fore… and today the anxiety is crazy, I’ve had the whirlwind start up, this mixed with still feeling run down from the illness has kicked my ass and led me to a situation that I didn’t expect to face… a situation of trench warfare… I took a half day holiday in the hope to get myself sorted and re-energised… to get myself through this fight…

Appointment tomorrow, not sure what I think of that…

Last appointment on the Crash kicked my ass… that’s also an influence on taking half day today, I need to get myself feeling better, I need to get rid of the run down feeling and I need to set up some defences for tomorrow…

It’s going to be a fun four weeks to recap…