That’s me… so f****** lost right now…

I feel like a soulless stranger in a shell of a body… one that isn’t mine…

I had zero intention to write tonight… I wanted to do nothing, disappear, become invisible and vanish from the world… but I need a way to release, sensibly, so that nothing stupid happens…

This normally helps – the ramble – but the way I feel… there is little salvation ahead at the minute…

World War 3 trenches with this soulless stranger begging for some let up…

All the way home from work, it was fantasy time, what I wouldn’t give to be able to just disappear, go somewhere picture  perfect peaceful and find isolation from this world…

It’s what it feels like when everything starts to get on top of you and that is what happened today…

Rewind to the start…

Sleep so disturbed it feels non-existent, vivid dreams that shake your reality… dreams? Nightmares…

The alarm and knowing what you face… the day ahead…

Work was one long day of discomfort, trying to settle and concentration was impossible, everything just has the feeling of wrongness now, I feel on edge and out of place…

And speaking of on edge… find a way to distract me from my defences and I break… tears are only seconds away if a breach is made… it takes everything to remain in control and with everything going on at the minute around me… control is chalked up as another wishful fantasy…

A battle to work… to function… to survive… you cry dramatic? I cry spend one day in these shoes… one day like this and then know that you face situations like this for the rest of your life…

It doesn’t help when you reach, you reach out for help and it falls on deaf ears, shrugged off… dismissed… pain comes that feels incomparable… irrational maybe but it’s there…

So here I am… trying to type… to explain, what?

Nothing… this is for me…

To try and help… help find that person that is Lost…

I miss him…