19/12/2016

Quick update, nothing more…

I haven’t wrote in a week, I’ve filled out a form but I don’t really care about writing at the minute, I don’t really care about anything at the minute, I feel like an empty shell… there is nothing in here…

I’ve really struggled with the crash, I’ve wanted to do nothing but hide away from the world though loads of events have happened and gone on… I’ve had to show a brave face to the world and push myself and I’ve suffered for it… I’ve not wanted to write though, part of not wanting to do anything I guess…

I’ve had so many irrational emotions that I could be here all night trying to explain, emotions that in moments of clarity have led me to shaking my head but fortunately, so far I’ve managed to take that breath and step away when everything in me has screamed to just either let loose or just walk away from it all… I am thankful that I can keep in control of it…

It’s just really difficult at the minute, couldn’t work today, went in but cried all morning pretty much, even after going home, feeling of despair… sorrow… loss… mourning… you name it…

I feel like I’m pushing those closest to me away or that they are getting sick of me… they ask how I am and I keep having to tell them that I am struggling, I hate having to do this, I just want to pretend to be happy and lie to them but I’ve promised I’ll be truthful but it must be tiring having to hear about it all the time… the negativity…

I’m scared that it is affecting my work so much…

I just hate this…

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