22/01/2017

After the main CMHT appointment and my summary there, I have no need to continue with a drilled in regimental day by day updating.

 

It’s going to be more relaxed now, I’ll keep it updated with how I feel and all that but when I want.

 

Before whilst updating, as much as it helped with a release, somedays it was the last thing that I wanted to do – relive the day – but I had to force myself to do it… Needs must and all that…

 

19th – After the appointment:

 

You know, the appointment went better than I expected, Dr Soriene was great, I was able to get most of what I wanted to say across, we acknowledged the issues and plan of action, that’s the main thing I needed, a plan of action and to feel like it’s moving forward with the progress rather than being stuck just waiting for the next appointment…

I guess the main point of call with this update is the “M”edication…

F*** me…

 

Day 1 = gameover and goodnight…

 

Eyes closed for a second… sleep came for hours…

I first took the 50mg, tried to fight the sedation for an hour or two… next thing I know I open my eyes, it’s the next day and 15 hours has gone by… I was able to stay awake long enough to have some toast and go to the toilet before my eyes closed and another three hours had gone by.

20/01/2017

The 20th passed by in a blur of sleep and sedation…

Either it shown how much the new meds kicked my ass or how much that I needed the sleep after the events of the last couple of weeks.

 

I had to call in off work the first day after taking the meds, even to move my arm and then to press on a touch screen phone was an effort. It was ridiculous what the meds did to me but in a way it was nice to be slowed down for a change and able to relax, it was a while since I was last able to do that.

 

I just had started to feel somewhat alert again before it came time to take my second dose.

 

My mate was coming over that night so I had held off as long as I could with the dose, I actually feared taking it after the first days gameover but needs must.

I popped it and was able to fight off the sedation before the goodnight came. Maybe two-three hours this time before my ass was kicked. He had to let himself out whilst I was snoozing on the sofa…

21/01/2017

 

On the 21st, after maybe twelve+ hours of sleep I had a new bed delivered, the morning was a bit of a blur but that got set up thanks to family and obviously… I had to have a snooze on it… yey more sleep! It was good to see them also…

 

I had a meal planned for that afternoon, nice three course with a group of awesome people, normally I would be a bit anxious before going, what is it going to be like for me?

 

Am I going to want to be there? Please let me talk and have a laugh…

 

This time there was no issues. We got to the restaurant and got seated – we were sat in the middle table of the restaurant and I hate that, I hate having to sit in the midst of everyone, I always like to be in the corner out of the way, less noise and activity then – but this time I wasn’t really bothered. A couple of irritated moments came but went in seconds, where normally they would have started to build into a whirlwind and disrupt my enjoyment, this time I was able to dismiss them…

 

Probably helped still feeling pretty highly sedated off the meds mind…

 

It was a lush meal, we had a laugh, I was my usual idiot self and when it came to the end, got back and stuck a film on and it turned into a good night…

 

I took my final dose of the 50mg before stepping up to 100mg tomorrow, slept like a baby and awoke feeling refreshed, not too sedated and able to think fine, my body feels nicely relaxed and a bit slow but I can live with that. Today was the first day where I was really able to go and get myself to the shops with no issues on the meds.

 

As an aside – I nearly killed myself in the middle of the night forgetting that it was a new bed, lower to the ground, I swung my legs out of the bed but didn’t expect my feet to hit the ground so soon – drug fueled toilet break in the middle of the night zombie mode – and went flying, that was fun…

22/01/2017

 

Today is fine – 22nd – I had a little moment where the washer was starting to really annoy me, the loud noise disrupting any semblance of thought… this wound me up and I started for some reason thinking about issues that had annoyed me earlier in 2016 but the second

 

I realised I was starting to chew on this I was able to dismiss it…

 

Yey!

 

It did make me realise that even though the meds seem to be working so far, my mood deep down is a high, I know that with the irrational anger earlier but I’m quickly able to snap myself out of it without any consequential damage.

 

Today, the big test is upping my dose to 100mg, if the impact is anything like me first taking 50mg, it’ll definitely be a gameover day/night and probably next day…

Not good when I’ve got work on the 23rd… I guess it is a case of wish me luck!