07/01/2017

So are my assumptions correct so far on the shift to Hyper?

Well after 4 hours sleep last night – waking up three times – by 14:00 I had cleaned the house, washed the dishes, sorted and completed my washing, gone to the gym, done my shopping, prepared and started to cook a slow cooked beef dinner and had a shower…

And my first thought after all that was what can I do next?!

With The Crash, I can have a routine of sleep between 11:00 – 16:00 easily on a day off and this is when I catch up on the lost sleep of the night before…

With the hyper, I don’t need rest… yet…

I had time to fill until my mate was coming over later on for the night.

So… start a film and watch half, start an episode and watch most of it but save the ending, put the computer on and oh, forget why I had thought this would keep me entertained…

Ah let’s do some free weights in the house, nevermind the gym earlier…

Another thing, take a certain “thought” that when on The Crash would bring me sorrow and sadness, this “thought” when Normal I would think nothing of it and shug it off, “thought” when Hyper gives me an intake of breath and a quickened pulse in anger…

Same guy, same brain, just what feels like a different mode all together…

Don’t get me wrong, I’m in control, I’m just explaining the way it feels…

Something pisses me off – that really shouldn’t, something really daft – and for a split second it’s like a quick thought and bodily reaction, quick intake of breath, eyes widen, pulse quickens, you almost feel the adrenaline kick in as if you’re ready for anything, but constantly this happens with each new thought…

And…
The trouble is when like this, I’ve managed to string the “thoughts” together to get myself really pissed off about a random subject that wouldn’t bother me normally. to the point where my entire body is tense and on edge…

My neck muscles strain against it… I am not like that today, nowhere near to be honest but there are plenty of times where I’ve worked myself up to this point…
Also how do I know I’m feeling rather Hyper?

Well I’m writing this now and using it as an excuse to avoid sleeping… I’m sure I’ll find something to do after too… My mate has gone and ready for bed were their last words… it’s now the last thought on my mind…

I’ve had the grand plans, I’m going to do this and that, change this and that, I have a determination to see it through…

I’ve got plans for the gym in the morning, 10:30 with a friend so obviously rest and sleep isn’t a concern…

I also remembered something from my youth, when all the shit had gone down and I was dragged along to my “new home” – I was around 10-11 years old – I became obsessed with shapes, making patterns in my mind but they had to be symmetrical, I’d spend hours alone in my bedroom, eyes closed making different images, I’d play out one side of a pattern in my mind and then have to replicate the other side exactly, new shape after new shape… they had to have symmetry…

I found myself doing it earlier and this is what triggered the memory… something I think I do subconsciously almost… 20 years later…

I don’t have much an issue with the songs or lyrics today, that only lasted until around 13:00 today…

All this and I’m nowhere in full swing yet…

Yey!

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