04/01/2017
I don’t know how I am still here to be honest…
All day I’ve battled with the thoughts to just end it… I really don’t know how much more I can take.
After writing 03/01/2017 I recieved some really bad news not long after. It’s crushed me, tore me apart… broke me.
Even with two sleeping tablets I’ve hardly slept, I’ve done nothing but sob on and off since 04:00 and it’s now 19:09… I cannot eat, I’ve had to force myself to move to drink when I literally couldn’t swallow anymore from dry mouth…
One of the “rocks” in my life is leaving, going away, probably never to be seen again… after everything of late I didn’t think it could get much worse but I’ve done nothing but sit wrapped in a blanket, in silence and cried…
So much pain, so much grief, so much sorrow. I just cannot see a way forward at the minute.
I’m exhausted, I cannot think straight, it’s non stop irrational…
I tried to message a couple of people but ultimately what can they do for me? All I can do is burden and worry them. To be honest I wanted to scream HELP at the top of my lungs…
I’ve had the Crisis phone number up on my phone all day but I cannot call them, I don’t know why, will they think I’m just acting stupid and wasting their time?
All I can do is sit here and cry, hope I fall asleep and get through this…
My battle with Bipolar 