A quick rewind to last night…
I had two options:
1) Call the Crisis team
2) Take a glass of whisky, add two sleeping tablets, find a pillow and hope for the best
I went with option 2). It was the quickest choice, I really couldn’t face seeing the time turn 00:00 and seeing the celebrations begin.
Not in my dramatic world of darkness anyway…
I carry less emotion today, tears seem far away, I feel almost at the point of not caring anymore, what’s the point…
I know if I do that though I’ll descend to much worse levels than I am right now…
That is somewhere that I don’t want to explore so I’m fighting the good fight, it is such a struggle, just to function is hard, I won’t lie but I have to go on.
I had 9 1/2 hours sleep in the end, slow to wake up for obvious reasons, my only real plan for the day is to get showered, go to the shops and see my good friend later on. I’m happy with that day…
Apart from the doing anything part anyway… I’m still having to force myself as the energy levels are at critical point!
I forced myself into the shower that turned into a two hour soaking… to give you some idea of the time I spend in the shower…
I live alone, my metered water bill is higher than my electricity bill…
I’ve explained it before I think but it helps…
Once I get in, I start off in the whirlwind but then I turn up the heat, sit down and just focus on the water flowing over myself, it turns off my thoughts and I can just relax for a while… a place of solitude because I need it…
My results…
I find little…
I just want out of this Crash…
My battle with Bipolar 